how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
