If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
