Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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