he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
