I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Houston, we have a squirter
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just want nice things and good sex
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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