I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
