Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
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Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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