Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
