Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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