Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
