Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
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Please don't give away my fajitas
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