The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
