if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
