make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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