You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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