things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
