i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
