i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
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You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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