whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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