If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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