Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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