My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
