I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
