Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
