do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
