Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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