you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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