That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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