we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
