I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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