Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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