ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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