She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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