DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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