I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
