A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
