there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
