I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
