Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
