hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
