I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
