at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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