I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
