uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize