You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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