does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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