a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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