drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
