he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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