I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize