U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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