Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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