I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
