so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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