if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
