its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
