I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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