The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
