So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
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