come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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