and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
