nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
