she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
