Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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