i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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