I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
