So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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