If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
