My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
