you have to choose: penises or morals?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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