the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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