I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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