Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
