another moral hangover. fuck.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
