No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
